Fat People Shouldn’t Be Cops

How do they let this happen?

Thank you for the friendly emails.  I think that I agree with those who say that baseball should be more of a viscous sport.  So what if your arm hurts?  Fire the ball from a gun and save the arms.  Rev it up to 150 mph and give the batters tennis rackets.  What’s up with that word?  Raquet?  Rakkket?  Racquet? Fuck guys in suits…  I owe it to the female football reporters to say Double u Teee Efff.  Que The Fucqe?

How do you OWN a baseball team?  Imagine that.  If you happen to own a team, please write and we’ll do an interview on NE.  NE mean Naked Eric by the way, Chris.   I took the Metamucil and no it wasn’t funny.  Or funnie.  You’re a dique!

WOW the Red Sox just won the Al Pennant!  Quick, whip out your cell phone and unplug yourself from living the moment!  What is wrong with these people?  Snap a picture, send a text message, Crackberry a message to someone.  Doesn’t anyone fucking REMEMBER anything anymore?  By the way, take a walk.  Leave the phone at home.  Take a walk.  Remember the sky?  When was the last time you really looked at it an admired the clouds?  A storm?  I mean it.  I bet a lot of these future tumor-ridden cell phone addicts truly don’t gaze at the sky, a tree, fresh snow on a lawn.  I bet they have some important calls to make.  Geez, how did humans ever exist for so long without giving our elementary school children radioactive phones “just in case”.  Yeah, just in case my ass ends up your uncle.  Man, I’m telling you, fat people shouldn’t be cops.

I love toast and tits,



5 thoughts on “Fat People Shouldn’t Be Cops

  1. I like this. I don’t think cops should be allowed to be fat either. It doesn’t make sense. How can a fat guy help me chase down a thug who just snatched my purse. Never mind that I’m male and don’t carry a purse, it’s the principal of the matter.

    You know, the only thing I really envy about women is that they can carry purses. I wish it was OK for guys to carry purses too. Think about all the shit you want to carry and can’t, or don’t want to, fit into your pockets. It’s bullshit.

    “Purse Snatching”. That’s another thing. Is it a coincidence that the only thing you ever hear about being “snatched” is carried by women, who have snatches? You don’t hear about cars or wallets or TVs or lawnmowers being snatched. They’re stolen or swiped. But purses are snatched. I’m just saying it’s a sexist comment, that’s all.

  2. I am offended. The color of the sky shouldn’t matter. Why do you use the color of the sky to describe the atmosphere. Expand your mind, nipper. The sky can be black and gray. I play tennis and am telling my mom not to drive me to practice tomorrow. The, when I walk there, I’ll tell all of the girls to stop reading your page. I think it’s gross that you write it naked anyway. Just out of curiosity, do you like blondes? With implants? Do these socks make me look fat?

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