Criss Angel – Magic For Dummies

Now that it’s Halloween, it’s time to expose myself to children when their yuppie parents are on their cell phones talking to their hairdressers about which color would most bring out the fading color of their eyes and disguise the fact that their face is looking more and more like a catcher’s mitt due to tanning daily at full radiation. Small children can then use my tushy as a standard that helps us all. “Hey, I have a tushy too!” There is no better feeling than to know that others share your most intimate traits. Remember the first time you saw another penis or vagina? When you were a kid and played games with them. Creepy stuff indeed, but all in all, it made us realize that we were not alone in what lurked beneath our clothes. Now, ironcally, I LOVe being alone with what’s under my clothes! How wild is that.

Segue: Criss Angel

Does anyone know why this guy isn’t passed over as just another David Copperfield / Blaine rip – off? Have’t we seen this before? Are we this desperate for more skater-looking guys for teenage girls to plaster all over their walls? He looks like a ferret with a tried-so-hard-to-look-like-I-didn’t-try-so-hard look. We’re blurring the line between men and women here friends. Don’t let this happen! Demand that men look like men. All men should look like they belong in either ZZ Top or AC/DC. If not, they should have a good reason why. A job is a good one. A knock-off of past magicians’ mojo isn’t a job, it’s a niche created by our pop poop petri dish infecting airwaves and brain cells. Final note: The dude lives in Vegas. I thought that what happened in Vegas STAYED in Vegas!!! STAY IN VEGAS you corporate Mr.Potato Head. They build you to be the new “Master of Illusion”. You just look silly man. Please reduce the primping and preening. Leave it for the ladies. Your show is cool though. I never saw it. Have you read my blog? Prob. not. So until you read my blog I won’t watch your show. AND if you read my blog, let’s do an interview so that NakedEric and his readers can understand the man behind the makeup.

I once saw him make a matchstick disappear. He then made it reappear somewhere else. That inspired me to head to the throne to drop some kids off at the pool.

To prove that I’m not the only one here, here’s a ditty from a site about the femme magic man.. Check out the site. I’m not making this up.

Hey Criss Angel….

The ball-less wonder, Criss Angel. Not only did he let everyone know that he was dating
Cameron Diaz by giving a ‘cryptic’ shout out mentioning the Shrek tour, which was tacky in it’s
own right, but turns out, he already had a WIFE at home. Turns out he left her for star-fuc*ing.

Man, grow some nuts, doode!.I’m Not The Only One With Something To Say About C.A.



This Is Such A Good Way To Kill Someone!

Back in the diggidy day, when operas ruled concert halls, theatres, and penny arcades, people were often portly Supposedly, there were countless guys wearing wigs. Wine and beer was crazy! Believe me, if I was there, I’d be such the Mack Daddy with wild wiggidy wigs. What a cool random thought! I’ll tell my therapist next week!

In a show called bones, they are discussing a murder where the corpse (The Vic) was found in a Haunted House called Dungeon of 1000 Corpses. The place was filled with fake corpses. No one noticed the dead body nor did they attribute the smell of decomp to anything other than the Halloween show that was going on. Finally a little girl puked and someone called the puke police. They then called the real police. Then, they realized there was a REAL deady in the house! They finally found it, but there were no witnesses due to the darkness and the nature of the show. If there was some real a-stabbing, people would look and go “ooohhh! Stabbing!” then lick their lollies and kiss their daddies. Super kill!

So, if you ever want to go to a HAUNTED HOUSE AGAIN, you may not want to read on. Ooops, that should have went at the beginning of this ditty. Or right after my rumination of the past operatic showmanship. Shhhh. I’ll do all the talking around here. Hence:

If murdering a person is a task you intend to engage in, wouldn’t this type of location be a perfect place to do it? It says so on TV! Now that Johnny Cockran (sic) the satanic lawyer who is now being anally plowed in a fluffy fireball of hell, has died (yay!), there are no more lawyers capable of getting murders caught red-handed found innocent of murder. What a run-on sentence. No! Stay. My dog just farted. We are so similar, my doggy and I. OK, back to murder.

Do you know what I mean? By the time they found any evidence, or the body at all, I’d be in another country. Of course I wouldn’t leave until I wrote down exactly what I did, step by step on NakedEric for all of you to enjoy!

::insert smile here::

Note: I would never kill anyone. Never meaning … not NOW.