The Web’s Most Searched Words And Phrases

I like to see what people that are not me are interested in. This is how I keep writing such cutting-edge, poignant articles. I honestly don’t believe what I wrote in the previous sentence. So, according to The New York Times, these are the most searched words and phrases. Drugs was #29! Yikes! Hoot!

1. microsoft»
2. apple»
3. bush»
4. colbert»
5. immigration»
6. china»
7. iraq»
8. global warming»
9. india»
10. health care»
11. linda stein»
12. iran»
13. imus»
14. gay»
15. none»
16. education»
17. obama»
18. hillary clinton»
19. sex»
20. oil»
21. marathon»
22. school shootings»
23. halloween»
24. merrill lynch»
25. science»
26. obituaries»
27. korea»
28. turkey»
29. drugs»
30. california fires»
31. college»
32. crossword»
33. mexico»
34. art in review»
35. citi»
36. cancer»
37. politics»
38. real estate»
39. democratic debate»
40. africa»
41. food»
42. water»
43. business»
44. maureen dowd»
45. war»
46. blackwater»
47. taxes»
48. japan»
49. world news»
50. women»


All Black People Are Liars

I am not silly enough to be fooled by those who seek to confuse me with tricks of hue and shade. If I were to call myself a BLACK man, I would be sure to engage in a thorough inspection of my external flesh. My epidermis, dare I say. My Spagnola, I dare not say! Would you? I will put two punctuation marks here.!

All black people are liars. They are not black. This is such a perfect example of an “Emperor Wears no Clothes” situation. I’m not being silly-poop or knit-picky. Black people are BROWN! Has anyone else ever noticed this! THEY LIE WHEN THEY SAY THEY ARE BLACK! Sorry about the capital letter, I hit Caps Lock by accident and don’t feel like fixing it. I propose that “black” people who wish to stop acting as proponent of this viscous lie begin calling themselves brown or tan. They both are simple words with one syllable. I thought that “black” was being used due to its membership in the PRIMARY COLORS CLUB. Is this true? If so, please let me know. But for now, whenever you hear a member of that race call themselves Black, call them a liar. Tell them that they are nicely tanned, or brown.

I will close with a picture of a REAL BLACK person. Look at this and then think about what I’m saying here. Let’s fix this problem. Let’s be fair to Afreakin Americans.

THIS is a black person!

To NakedEric Readers: Leave Comments You Piggies!

I toil and trouble, I boil and bubble so that words come out and I press the buttons on this machine to create these sentences I leave for your swine-o-vision. In the last week, the amount of visits to this humble blog has TRIPLED! So now I feel like I’m being fondled by strangers. I hooked up with Tina Fey that day, but you are all strangers with no face. I want to get to know you and your PIN numbers. Don’t be foolhardy. How are we going to take over the world if we don’t even introduce ourselves? I will always write to puncture the poop bag of our pop culture and let the aroma dangle in your fangle. Someone has to do this dirty dirty job. I am glad to welcome you to this place of peace and yum yums. But please, leave a little comment or urine specimen behind for us to fondle… OKAY??!?


Avenged Sevenfold Has A New Album. Mitch Albom Answers Tough Questions About “Fridays With Morrie”

A gnu is a cute animal ripe for domestication. Strange how it was left out in the cold with all those other hairy bits. Anyway, in preparation for this article, I found myself inescapably learning about “new albums”, “gnu doldrums”, and “Mitch Albom”. Mitch did his best to focus attention on that lame day of the week, Tuesday. Who cares about Tuesdays? Morrie. “Tuesdays With Morrie” set the lukewarm day on FIRE. The book sold zillions of copies and prompted him, Mitch not Morrie, to write another tome, “The Five People You Meet In Heaven”. I always imagined meeting more than five people in heaven, but it seems that Mitch knows more than everyone else because he writes books.. That’s why I want to write books. I want people to think I’m smart. So, congrats Mitch. Your little red books have found their way onto many a coffee table and bathroom floor (poop-perusing).

Avenged Sevenfold likes big words with syllables galore. Their new album is out and has quenched the thirst of an ever-growing horde of fans who adore their mix of shred-o-my-god geetars, heart attack drums, and melodies that stick in your craw like the song you hate the most when it comes on the radio and yu atre forced to hear it. Ever get embarrassed when you sing, out loud, a commercial jingle at some random time, in public? That’s the hookiness of Avenged. Let’s move on to say WAS the hookiness of Avenged. The new album is blah in many categories. If you liked “City of Evil” you will not like the new album. The good thing about Avenged is that they have been around for so long and have such a vast library of past successes, that a mediocre album like this one can be shrugged off like a gnu fart on a windy day, in heaven.