Paralysis by Urinalysis

doctor-with-urine-sample-via-shutterstock-615x345Paralysis by Urinalysis

If I fail a urine screen I am then discharged from treatment by my doctor.  This has become an all-too-common practice at many .. practices. Isn’t this ridiculous?  I mean, hypothetically, if I decided to go to an all night 70’s disco cocaine party and decided to partake (hypothetically) then I am in danger of losing the services of my orthopedic surgeon who is helping to mend my back after a near-paralyzing car accident?  Ridiculous.  A joint to help me sleep?  Say goodbye to my recovery from spinal injury.  Is there even a justification for this?  I will play devil’s advocate and try to defend the indefensible here.  Note:  Any position that isn’t mine is indefensible.

We can’t be providing opioid medications to patients who are themselves drug users.  There could be dangerous interactions and other irresponsible behavior that would cause them to harm themselves.  They would need a doctor.  They should be discharged from my (doctor) practice.

We have to test their urine frequently to be sure that we are not contributing to a patient’s drug problem or addiction issue for which they should be seeking professional help.  They would definitely need to see a doctor if they had an addiction problem.  These patients definitely should be discharged from my (doctor) practice.

By testing our patients’ urine, we can see who is a complicated patient so we can quickly discharge them from our practice, thus leaving us with the simple patients who quietly come and go, pay their bill on time, and allow us to pack in more patients (more money!)  Complicated patients take up too much time and cost us too much money (not to mention effort).  Money and effort should never be expended needlessly in our line of work.  Just tell them we can lose our license (an incredible irony when you consider that by KEEPING them as patients and TREATING their destructive tendencies by way of referrals or their addiction we would be acting MORE like doctors and thus be MORE worthy of our licenses) and keep having them make the walk of shame from bathroom to waiting room holding their leaking urine vials.  I became a doctor to get rich not to treat people who have unhealthy habits or dangerous behaviors.  Those people should go get their heads examined.  …by a doctor, I guess.  I’m confused.

Doing drugs is unhealthy although often a lot of fun.  If you choose to do something this stupid (awesome) then you should not be in danger of losing the services of a competent medical professional.  It should be noted, however, that if your doctor discharges you for failing a urinalysis, subjecting you to both withdrawal and the care that you deserve due to an injury or illness, the maybe your medical professional isn’t so competent after all…


We’re Back! And In Need Of Serious Website Help (obviously)…

Ahhh. I am writing to you reborn. Reborn after a nightmare of domain stuff as we tried to upgrade to a “real” website addy and, in the process, losing touch with the very readers we tried to amaze as we grew up to be hosted as a non-wordpress dotcom. Well we realized that we like being here just fine and that the world of techno-babble and web hosting is not meant for the, well, anybody really. So, with that said, are there any techno freaks that want to help us grow into an appropriate new home? We have money!

So, yes there have been posts. In fact, a LOT has been going on! So we will be sharing with you all of the incredible new music and contests, giveaways, and so on. We have Lo-Pro and Nonpoint on tap for interviews. We’ll post their goodies next.

We love being back! We also love Hiromi Oshima. Here is a naked picture of her. She is so hot that I have little pains near my face when I see her. Like, near my eyes. Yeah. Oh, that’s the infection. OK. Shhh….


Hiromi Oshima Makes Japan Look Like an Island

Welcome – We Are NakedEric

Here’s a link where you’ll find an original melon by my self posted on a super site.  I feel a little miffed that the fine lady who reposted my essay verbatim took a byline with no credit for little ol me for writing the silly thing.  Nevertheless and neverthemore, they are our new friends and I want you to go visit and be nice.  They’ll likely be around here scooping content for their blog when they run out of ideas and feel like not paying for it.  I admire the stones.  It is a genuine pleasure to make your acquaintance.  Please visit the NakedEric article reposted on their site.  It won’t say I wrote it, but I did.  It is the vault here if you search a bit…  So go say hi!

Ms. California v. Perez Hilton


P. Hilton is quite a unique guy. He acts like a girl, whines like a baby, and makes a career of judging other people’s success. I guess it is apparent why he would be selected to judge Miss America, he knows nothing else but hating, ridiculing, and worshiping others. A natural hater.

Since when is a beauty pageant contestant asked a question that is more difficult than one we ask the President? If a flamboyantly gay mess like Hilton spat that out at Obama, he’d never be heard from again.

Further, “The Question” as it is now called was asked as a personal opinion. Carrie Prejean, Miss California, a religious conservative, answered with what had been instilled in her heart by her religious teachings. And, be it right or wrong to you, she answered the question that was asked with more honesty than most of us could likely muster. If you wanted a policy answer, “the Question” should have been, “Do you think Government should prevent gay couples from getting married?” This would allow Prejean to be a Pro and separate her personal feelings from what should be made legal or illegal. An opinion was requested and an opinion you got. It was delivered politely and without any intent to cause offense to anyone. (Note: Prejean’s opinion is perfectly in line with that of most of her state who voted to ban gay marriage – Prop 8) So why is it such a surprise, you hack? Stop chasing Britney Spears and do something on your own for a change. The question was unfairly provocative and inconsistent with the aim of the pageant.

Now P. Hilton can add something he has actually DONE to his resume. He has ruined the reputation of a harmless and positive organization for years to come by his self-indulgent nonsense. Oh, and he cost Prejean the crown, which is actually the best part because the controversy has made her an overnight sensation and a bigger celebrity than Hilton will ever even come close to being.


Mr. President, You Are A Stupid, Insensitive Ass

I have just started the long journey of healing when a close family member suffered a severe brain injury that caused a major impairment of function.  It has been one month and it just seems to get harder as challenges mount up ranging from financial to my education.  I have to reshape my entire life, making great, great sacrifices to accommodate this beloved member of our family.

Now, in a gratuitous appearance on late-night television, once again proving his narcissistic belief that he is some kind of Hollywood celebrity, President Obama likens his poor bowling skills to those “like the Special Olympics” to get a cheap laugh.  This would be offensive coming from Cosmo Kramer.  Coming from our new President who was elected on a promise of bi-partisan peace and love, this is ear-splitting and nasty.

Mr. President, you are an asshole.  You have no idea how much your words hurt and I truly hope you never do have to face the challenges I do today.  I would imagine that the taste of eating the words you shat out of your mouth last night would be utterly Ipecac-ish.  I hope that your little laugh was worth it.  You lost the faith of a large part of the country and hurt many of us to boot.

Great job, Mr. President.  I am ashamed of my country (for the first time in my adult life…)


Clothes Shopping Is Gay

What the Hell hapened to men’s clothes?  I am amazed to see harsh words like “Affliction” and “Love Dies” adorned with sparkly trinkets, pink pastels, and tapered-leg jeans.  OMG, WTF, ROTFL?  GAY?  I mean gay, OK, we all pretend that it’s not a big deal to see men kissing and we’ve bought into the rhetoric that it may even be natural to be gay (and gender roles are not…)  But please spare us the dignity, those of us who have yet to embrace skin-tight jeans and sparkly pink shirts, of options.  I walked 40 blocks down 5th Avenue in New York City yesterday shopping with my beautiful wonderful girlfriend.  SHE ended up buying more than I did – IN THE MEN’S SECTION!!!  Men’s clothes have become gay and that is NOT OK!  Give me back the grunge era!  I long for a flannel, ripped jeans and heroin-laced music.