Avenged Sevenfold Has A New Album. Mitch Albom Answers Tough Questions About “Fridays With Morrie”

A gnu is a cute animal ripe for domestication. Strange how it was left out in the cold with all those other hairy bits. Anyway, in preparation for this article, I found myself inescapably learning about “new albums”, “gnu doldrums”, and “Mitch Albom”. Mitch did his best to focus attention on that lame day of the week, Tuesday. Who cares about Tuesdays? Morrie. “Tuesdays With Morrie” set the lukewarm day on FIRE. The book sold zillions of copies and prompted him, Mitch not Morrie, to write another tome, “The Five People You Meet In Heaven”. I always imagined meeting more than five people in heaven, but it seems that Mitch knows more than everyone else because he writes books.. That’s why I want to write books. I want people to think I’m smart. So, congrats Mitch. Your little red books have found their way onto many a coffee table and bathroom floor (poop-perusing).

Avenged Sevenfold likes big words with syllables galore. Their new album is out and has quenched the thirst of an ever-growing horde of fans who adore their mix of shred-o-my-god geetars, heart attack drums, and melodies that stick in your craw like the song you hate the most when it comes on the radio and yu atre forced to hear it. Ever get embarrassed when you sing, out loud, a commercial jingle at some random time, in public? That’s the hookiness of Avenged. Let’s move on to say WAS the hookiness of Avenged. The new album is blah in many categories. If you liked “City of Evil” you will not like the new album. The good thing about Avenged is that they have been around for so long and have such a vast library of past successes, that a mediocre album like this one can be shrugged off like a gnu fart on a windy day, in heaven.

-NE

avenged.jpg