Avenged Sevenfold Has A New Album. Mitch Albom Answers Tough Questions About “Fridays With Morrie”

A gnu is a cute animal ripe for domestication. Strange how it was left out in the cold with all those other hairy bits. Anyway, in preparation for this article, I found myself inescapably learning about “new albums”, “gnu doldrums”, and “Mitch Albom”. Mitch did his best to focus attention on that lame day of the week, Tuesday. Who cares about Tuesdays? Morrie. “Tuesdays With Morrie” set the lukewarm day on FIRE. The book sold zillions of copies and prompted him, Mitch not Morrie, to write another tome, “The Five People You Meet In Heaven”. I always imagined meeting more than five people in heaven, but it seems that Mitch knows more than everyone else because he writes books.. That’s why I want to write books. I want people to think I’m smart. So, congrats Mitch. Your little red books have found their way onto many a coffee table and bathroom floor (poop-perusing).

Avenged Sevenfold likes big words with syllables galore. Their new album is out and has quenched the thirst of an ever-growing horde of fans who adore their mix of shred-o-my-god geetars, heart attack drums, and melodies that stick in your craw like the song you hate the most when it comes on the radio and yu atre forced to hear it. Ever get embarrassed when you sing, out loud, a commercial jingle at some random time, in public? That’s the hookiness of Avenged. Let’s move on to say WAS the hookiness of Avenged. The new album is blah in many categories. If you liked “City of Evil” you will not like the new album. The good thing about Avenged is that they have been around for so long and have such a vast library of past successes, that a mediocre album like this one can be shrugged off like a gnu fart on a windy day, in heaven.

-NE

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NakedEric Album Review – HURT “Vol. 2”

When you sit down, stand up, or hover and begin to ponder putting words together to express your feelings regarding an album that nips you in places that have no name, it often amounts to quite a daunting task. HURT is the most underrated and unknown great band out right now. That is a fact. Anyone who listens to their previous effort, cleverly named, “Vol. 1” immediately sees this omission of HURT in the gilded halls of super de duper bands of the day. Day! Vol. 2 is not only a “go hump yourself” to the Sophomore Jinx, it is one of the best albums I have heard in ten years (at least). Go to iTunes now and buy it. Go to Best Buy now and Best Buy it. It has a shiny white cover. Ok. Now, as you listen to Sunners Lost and Ten Ton Brick, recall what I am saying here. Come back and comment. Somewhere say, hey nakedE you were right! Why? Well, I am going to campaign actively for an interivew whith the gents from HURT. I want to find out how they pull this together so perfectly and what they are going to do when they inevitaby explode into superstsrdom. So, HURT, if you are reading – contact me so we can plaster this blog with HURTAmerica. I’ll even write the interview clothed in hopes that we can sheathe my pecker. Well, not we, I would never ask HURT to sheathe my penis. I would organize a charitsble event where they could play. I have done this before with a ….

OH MY. I am so tired I am falling asleep at the keyboard here. I have to continue this later, aaeaekkkk

Buy HURT “Vol. 2” and then surf over here. by then we can both go on nd on not capitalizing “By” and leaving the “a” out of “and”.

HURT rhymes with BURT.

HURT Vol.2  = MasterpieceHURT Vol.2  = Masterpiece